I'm rounding out 2021 with a total of 102 books finished! This breaks every record for me. It wasn't even the fact that we were experiencing a global pandemic with loads of time at home. I barely read 40 books in 2020, and this year was almost normal times level busy. I've it narrowed down to a few suggestions I have for you today, in case you'd like to read more books this year!
Showing posts with label tips. Show all posts
Showing posts with label tips. Show all posts
Currently, I'm reading book number 70 for the year! I can hardly believe it. Especially because I barely made it to 40 books in 2020. If I keep this up, I may be on track for 100 books this year. 😲 If I were to have purchased every single book I've read in 2021 at full price, I think it's safe to say I would have spent over $700 on reading material. And, that's crazy.
How I Save Money on Books
Monday, August 30, 2021
Last week I had the extreme honor of being a guest speaker on a planner workshop! It was a workshop for beginners to see the value in paper planning. When I was asked to share something on the program, I was only drawing a blank. I mean, I've been paper planning for as long as I can remember, but to explain my ideas and systems to someone else was kind of daunting.
5 Tips for Paper Planning During A Pandemic
Monday, October 26, 2020
If you've been reading for any length of time, you know I have a passion for shopping used. I love the thrill of finding the perfect item for a fraction of the cost as new! Almost as much as I love that feeling, I also love making money from things we aren't using. Ebay has been really successful for me over the years, but I've also ventured into other apps/websites.
I mainly used Poshmark, but in the last few months Mercari also popped up on my radar. I was used to using Poshmark, and didn't really think that one app was better than the other. Then again, I wasn't really having huge success with Poshmark, so I decided to give Mercari a go. Spoiler alert-Mercari is now my preference. Let's talk about the differences and why I have a new favorite. (But, also why you might like Poshmark better!)
Mercari V. Poshmark | Which resale app is the best?!
Wednesday, May 20, 2020
When I was in Kindergarten, my mom has told me that if we went to our Thursday night meeting for worship, I would wake up throwing up on Friday morning. It happened every week! If I didn't get proper rest, I would end up sick. My body has always been like that. If I don't slow down, it'll make me slow down.
She likes to remind me of that everytime we are on the phone and I go over the crazy to-do lists I have. I've worked really hard to pare down that list-but sometimes busy can't be helped. Spring has historically been our busy season. I work in Real Estate, and as I'm sure most of you know the market is poppin' and we've been all hands on deck at work. (I did just get a raise so that makes it so much better.) Additionally, Blake and I do construction volunteer work and that has turned into basically a part time job. (Loving it and it's absolutely a priority.) We've thrown training days once a month since January and those are 13 hour days, plus all the prep that goes on the week before.
Spring also tends to bring graduation parties, baby showers and weddings too! My sister and brother in law just moved into their new house and I'm hosting a housewarming for them...after taking 3 days out of my regular schedule to help her move and get organized. (Not complaining! That stuff is my jam.)
My point in sharing all that is not for pity, after all I've done this to myself. Life can be crazy, but I think it's SO important to thrive in life and not just survive. I want to share a few suggestions today about how to reset, recharge and find happiness while you are swimming up the current.
Remember Your Non Negotiables
I suggest spending a few minutes on this with a pen and paper. You have to nail down what is non negotiable in your life. Identifying these things will help you navigate your day and a busy season. These are things that you must do, but things that also fill your tank.
For me, it's: daily Bible Reading, some kind of physical activity, having a tidy house in the evenings and communication with my husband. These things keep me grounded and are things I find vital for feeling good about my day. If nothing else goes right, I don't feel terrible if I've done these things.
Saying No
Mark this one down as the hardest thing to do in life. The reality of a busy season is that you don't have much room for extras. This is especially hard for people like me because I like to have it all! Learning to say no is an ongoing challenge, but it has helped me more than anything else.
One thing I've been saying no to lately is week night invitations. As much fun as I might be missing out on, it throws my schedule off so much if I do something on a weeknight. I simply reply: Thank you so much for thinking of me, but I can't this time. Have fun!
I was also recently asked to make some gifts for about 50 people, and as much as I LOVE an opportunity to use my Cricut, I had to say no this time. Again: Thank you so much for thinking of me, but I can't this time!
Meal Plan and Instacart
Although it's not a non negotiable, I try to make it a priority to cook at home. A busy season makes it incredibly tempting to eat out. It might be easier, but I never feel as good after a restaurant meal as I do when we cook at home. Being busy shouldn't impact your budget either.
We've been keeping meals incredibly simple. Cooking is one of my favorite things, but right now it's just not feasible to do a complicated recipe. Additionally I've been having my groceries delivered with Instacart. (Use my link to sign up and you can get $10 toward groceries and free delivery!) They deliver all the time so it's really convenient to shop. Having one less errand to run has been a game changer!
Mental Health Day
Taking a mental health day is something I've been doing for a decade. When I start feeling run down, I know I need to rest or else I will be forced into it at an inconvenient time. It's as simple as taking a day to do nothing. The hardest part is giving yourself permission not to accomplish anything.
On mental health days I usually hang out on the couch and catch up on tv shows or movies. That's it if I'm feeling particularly drained. If I've got some energy I will try to do some laundry or other easy chores. These days are great opportunities for face masks and an at home pedicure.
Reset Your House
Since one of my non negotiables is having a tidy house before I go to bed, our house rarely gets into that disaster mode. But, a busy season means I have less time for deep cleanings. It feels SO good to take an afternoon and totally reset the house. I go room by room, top to bottom. You can't tell me going to sleep in clean sheets doesn't make you happy!
Master Making A To Do List
My best to do list making happens the night before. I try to think of what I have on the schedule for the following day and what absolutely needs to happen. Be realistic. Do not give yourself 45 boxes to check. You won't feel good when you don't accomplish all 45. Instead, pick the most necessary and feel great when you accomplish it.
To do lists have become critical to my current lifestyle. If I don't write it down, I will not remember it. My Simplified Planner has a great to-do list section, but I also really love using Erin Condren notebooks for longer lists. (Use my Erin Condren referral link and get a $10 gift certificate which would make these notebooks half price!)
Disconnect
As mentioned before, it's not possible to do it all. If you are in a busy season, something will have to be sacrificed. (Remember it's not forever!) Take inventory of what takes up a lot of time and that isn't necessary. For me it's social media. I gave my tips a few months ago on how to do a social media free weekend!
Don't want to give up social media completely? Try uninstalling the apps from your phone, and only checking your socials from a computer. Or just turn off notifications to reduce the time you spend scrolling.
For you it might be watching tv in the evenings. Most of the time, when I sit down on the couch, that's it for productivity that day. Technology can be such a great tool, but it's also time consuming. If you are busy, it might be something you can take a break from.
Let's Talk! Leave me a comment below and tell me what's going on in your life! Is it a busy season for you too? What are some ways that you recharge and unwind? How do you thrive and not just survive a busy season?
This post contains referral links at no cost to you!
Ways To Survive A Busy Season
Tuesday, May 14, 2019
I feel like this is going to make me sound really old, but here goes! The other day I was driving and I passed a bus stop with about 8 kids standing at it. Now, I remember not being very talkative when I was waiting for the bus in middle school, but every single one of those kids had their chins down looking at their phones. I shook my head a kept going. Then, I was in a waiting room not long after that and noticed all of the waiting patients had their phones out. Could they have been reading a book? Maybe...but I have a feeling that they were all mindlessly scrolling through Instagram.
It's really been bothering me that we have become so attached to our phones! They are such great tools for so many things-but I have found that I spend a lot of mindless time on my phone throughout the day. And because I love a challenge, doing a social media free weekend sparked my interest!
My first social media free weekend was in September, and now my goal is to do a weekend each month. I found that the first time I went social media free it was pretty challenging, because I felt like I was going to miss out on something. But, it got much easier the next time. I've got a few tips for you, if you'd like to give it a shot!
My Tips:
Do some research.
It may be helpful for you to know exactly what you are spending your time on when you are using your phone. My phone has a 'digital wellbeing' feature that lets me know exactly how much time I am spending within apps. (There is an app called Moment that will do the same thing) Knowing this information is not only eye opening, but very inspirational!
Pick a good weekend.
You want to set yourself up for success. Don't pick a weekend to try your digital detox for the first time when you know you will regret it. For example, if you are going to be going to a wedding - a place where you know you are going to have the perfect photo to post, you may want to pick a different weekend. If you are going to be cleaning out your garage and will need to post a bunch of things on Facebook marketplace, you might want to pick a different weekend.
Delete the Apps!
This is my number one tip. You have got to delete the apps off your phone the night before. The very first time I did a social media free weekend I could not believe how many times my fingers mindlessly went to click on the icons and they weren't there. I would have certainly failed had the app been there to click on. After the weekend was over, I actually didn't redownload a couple of social media apps I had previously used.
Be prepared to entertain yourself.
Standing in a line or waiting in a doctor's office are usually times when I would pull out my phone, so if you aren't using social media you might have a moment of boredom. Embrace it! Look around, enjoy the quiet. While it's jarring at first, there are so many benefits to just being present. It's okay to be bored. Honestly though, boredom has been rare for me. I've always found someone to talk to or a book to read if I absolutely needed entertainment. (You may have noticed a lot more book reviews here because of that!)
Fill your time with something else!
If you are going to give up something, you want to make sure you feel like it's worth it. Replace the time you would be spending on social media with something else. The possibilities are basically endless here. I have found more time to read, and study. If I need something to do, I can text that friend I've been meaning to say hey to. And those are things you can still do on your phone! If you put the phone away all together, there are even more options to add to your productivity!
The Benefits I've Noticed:
The main positive benefit I've experienced with these social media detoxes is the fact that I feel less dependent on something. I hate that I've been come so attached to my phone, so these weekends make me feel like I'm in control of who I am-which feels downright good. (And that's how it should be anyway!)
Another thing I really like is that when I log back in on Monday, there is actually stuff to see! When you scroll through Instagram throughout the day, you rarely see more than one new post. Instagram is exciting again when you have lots to catch up on!
Leave a comment below if you feel like you need to detox from social media! How many social media apps do you use? Do you think you can log out for a few days? Are you the kind of person who needs something to do while you wait? Let me know if you've done a social media free weekend before!
How To Do A Social Media Free Weekend!
Monday, December 17, 2018
Find A Photographer
While it is completely possible to take your own photos with a tripod, it's not the most ideal arrangement. I've done it, it's not great. Constantly running back and forth to the camera, making sure you are lined up correctly, setting the timer and running back to your mark is so inefficient. Plus it can feel really awkward smiling at nobody!
Hire your husband, sister, mom or best friend for an hour! Promise them you'll buy their lunch, and go have some fun. My poor husband does not enjoy taking outfit pictures for me. He has always done a great job though! (You can see his photos here and here!)
I can't recommend enough hiring a professional! This is a great opportunity for you to find a local photographer, one who may just be starting out. They will appreciate the practice, and will have some great portraits to add to their portfolio. Plus, newer photographers tend to be more affordable. (And may even be open to trading some social media exposure for pictures!)
You can always hire a more established photographer, and in that case you will probably end up with perfect and stunning images to use. (Great exposure for you if they share your post with their followers too!) With that may come a bigger price tag, so it's all in what you can budget.
Communicate With Your Photographer
Miscommunication may be the biggest source of disappointment there is, in general. Both you and your photographer need to be on the same page, and the best way to do that is to talk about exactly what you want.
If your photographer is an inexperienced friend, try taking a photo of them in the same pose you want them to take of you. They will be able to clearly see what your vision is, and they can easily replicate what you want.
Professional photographers all have a different style. Some take dark and moody pictures, while others prefer bright and airy shots. Some love to pose you in a very Pinterest way, and still others want to capture you candidly. Which do you like better? Tell them! It's also important to communicate exactly what shots you are hoping to get. If you are showcasing your new handbag in your next post, make sure they know you need a shot of it.
Communication is also important when it comes to the business side of things. Ask questions. When do they expect payment? How long does it take to get back your images? How much photoshopping do you do? Do I need to credit you for the photography in my post? How often can you work with me? Is it okay if our next shoot is several outfits? And if it's a friend or family member taking the pictures, make sure you ask if they mind doing it or if they don't enjoy it! That's important.
Tips for Posing
If you've hired a professional, they may be able to warn you if your stance is unflattering. But, if your mom is taking the pictures, she may not recognize an unflattering angle-because let's face it, your mom always thinks you look beautiful. In that case, have her take a few and then review the back of the camera. See what you like, or don't and adjust!
Practicing in front of the mirror is always a good idea. Get fully dressed and do a few poses in front of your reflection before you head out for your photoshoot. Most likely you already know what your best angle is!
Generally speaking, it's best to lean your weight away from the camera. This is a tip I picked up from my photographer! Naturally I always try to lean in, but I can tell when my weight is shifted away. It may feel a bit awkward, but it looks much better!
Give your photographer something to work with too! Laugh, play with your hair, or smell a flower. Not only is this more interesting to look at as a reader, but it makes the whole photoshoot more fun. Just standing there doesn't give your photographer much inspiration. & When they do have a flash of inspiration, go with it! It'll be more exciting for both of you.
Leave a comment below with your best blog photog tips! Do you do it yourself, or have you found a trusty professional? Shout out to all those Instagram husbands out there!
My Three Top Tips For Amazing Outfit Photos
Monday, February 12, 2018
Adding a sweet little pug to your family will be one of the greatest joys and incredible adventures that you could have. Those head tilts with melt your heart everyday, and their clownish personalities will be a source of endless entertainment. Delly has been such a fun addition to our family, and we've learned a lot along the way! It's hard to remember when she looked like this! (In true pug fashion, she is snoring at my feet right now.)
Because Pugs & Pearls is a little haven for pug people, I have received many, many questions about adding a pug to the family! Pug people are the best people, by the way. Welcome all of you! (Find more Pug Posts here!) So, you're getting a pug! Now what?!
Here's What You'll Need:
A Harness// Pugs cannot use regular collars. A harness is the way to go! I wrote an entire post on my favorite brand of harness. Not only is it better for their necks, but you get better control when going for walks. I don't have any preferences on leashes-we just use your standard non retractable one. Don't forget an ID tag! Those jingles will help you keep track of your little guy.
Baby Wipes// Pugs have some crazy deep wrinkles that get all kinds of crud in there. Unscented baby wipes really help keep their faces clean and stench-free.
Deshedding Brush
// Pugs are also big time shedders. In fact, we keep a lint roller right by the door, #puglife. A deshedding brush is awesome for keeping the dog hair at bay. You can use it as often as you'd like, but we find that brushing about every 2-3 days makes a huge difference.
// Pugs are also big time shedders. In fact, we keep a lint roller right by the door, #puglife. A deshedding brush is awesome for keeping the dog hair at bay. You can use it as often as you'd like, but we find that brushing about every 2-3 days makes a huge difference.
Something to Chew On// Those puppy teeth are no joke! Delly likes Nylabones, but I've read mixed opinions about their safety. Either way give them something to chew on that isn't your shoe. We lost a keyboard at work because of her! I brought little Delly with me to the office, thought she was sleeping and instead she was chewing on the USB cord...whoops! We've also had great success with stuffingless toys that you can find at any pet shop.
Bowls// A puppy needs short and shallow bowls, so keep that in mind when you are shopping. We've had the best success with glass bowls. We did use metal bowls for awhile but we found that Delly's chin would break out a lot because of them. The vet suggested switching to glass and we haven't had a problem since.
*Ask your vet about food and medicines! They'll be able to recommend your best options.
Notes on Training:
Crate// Crate training was the best choice for us. If you are getting a puppy make sure to get a small crate or one that can be sectioned off. When potty training the crate will be your best friend. Put them in there when you can't watch them like a hawk. Don't punish them by putting them in their crate either. You want them to feel at home in there, not like it's puppy jail.
Tricks// Teaching tricks on your own just takes a lot of patience and treats! Give them command words and just repeatedly practice. Pugs are very food motivated, so treats and praise are a great incentive. Delly knows: sit, stay, lay down, 'up', get in your kennel, and 'where's your bone?' (toy). Pugs are so smart, and they'll pick it up pretty quick. But, they also won't obey if they don't feel like it!
Potty Training// There are a lot of methods out there. Here's what we did: We started taking Delly out every hour on the hour for a week. We came up with a command, in her case "Go Pee!". We'd stay outside as long as possible and reward her as soon as she went. Training treats are perfect for this, and we would keep a couple in our pocket. It's important to take them out pretty soon after meals, drinking or vigorous play. After a week we'd change it to every two hours, and then 3...etc. It was incredibly time consuming! Especially at night. Ugh, I don't miss those days! But it worked! It probably took about 6 months to be accident free. I think it would have been sooner but we slipped up a few times and waited to long to take her out. If we couldn't watch her, she was in her crate. Oh, if you catch them starting to go inside-startle them so they stop, and immediately take them outside. It's all about a routine and reinforcement.
Attention// That sweet baby is going to miss their mommies and littermates, so make sure you give them tons of love and attention. This part is easy to do because you will be obsessed with them anyway. Our breeder gave us a towel that had the scent of Delly's litter on it, and we made sure she got to cuddle with that a lot at first. You will quickly become their family, so don't worry too much about that.
Leave me a comment: Are you getting a pug?! Tell me all about them! What questions do you have about pugs or pug puppies?
So You're Getting A Pug!
Wednesday, March 30, 2016
My friend and I were flipping through a few listings on Realtor.com trying to find a place to fit her needs. Admittedly, I'm super nosey, so I LOVE looking at other people's houses. It's fascinating to me. Looking at houses with her was really fun, but man, I was having such a hard time looking at some of those listings. Why? The majority of the photos were horribly, terribly bad. Just one example was a shot of a living room, complete with a very elderly couple staring straight into the camera. Not kidding!
Like a chiropractor looking at someone with poor posture, or Stacy and Clinton looking at someone in a terrible outfit I could not contain my irritation! I've worked in a Real Estate office for the last ten years, and my absolute favorite part of my job is getting to take listing photos and making flyers to advertise homes. It's so fun and I get to be a little bit creative in my desk job.
Some Realtors will hire a photographer for their listings. You'll see that a lot in bigger cities and in higher price ranges. But, working in a Real Estate office, I've seen my fair share of bad pictures. Many Agents take the pictures themselves, and sometimes even with their cell phones. Bad photos can mislead and can make your home unappealing to a potential buyer. They could love your house in person, but the pictures could stop them from even asking to see it. (Of course, some Realtors or Agents may be extremely talented at taking pictures! You can always ask to see examples of their other Listings to find out.)
My photography skills are limited and what I know I've picked up along the way. Mostly from blogging! Hiring a professional is truly your best option, and I think it's totally worth the initial investment. If that's not in your budget, here are a few tips to help you take your own listing pictures. I have a Canon Rebel T3, but these tips will work with your point and shoot!
Staging
I could do, and maybe will do, an entire post on staging. Your Realtor will give you some great tips on how to improve your curb appeal and what needs touch up paint. Give your house a good cleaning before you take your pictures. Use Windex to shine up your fixtures and put everything away (under the bed or in the car!). Declutter the best you can. Clear off surfaces, if not completely, to the minimum. Close drawers and toilet seat lids. Park your car somewhere else and close the garage door. You want people to look at your house, not your stuff.
You know that elderly couple I mentioned before? In the photo of their bedroom you could see stacks of adult diapers and extra oxygen tanks. (Poor people!) It completely distracted us from looking at the room. You don't have to remove all of your personal items or even your photos. In fact some people want to know who lives in the house! But, the fewer personal items the more the room stands out.
Here is an example of a nicely staged Dining room. It isn't completely bare, but the family removed a lot of what was originally in the room. They took out a dog crate, bowls and a garbage can which left the room looking functional and open.
Lighting
Turn on every light in your house! Open up all the blinds and curtains too. Light can completely transform a room. When you are shooting straight at a window, you will probably need to adjust your camera settings or slightly close the blinds to avoid a white out like in the picture above. (or take your photos early in the day when the light isn't as bright) Don't take your photos at night!
I also use this camera light
in darker rooms to help brighten them up.
in darker rooms to help brighten them up.
Here is an example of turning on all the lights. This house was on a very shaded property, and with only a few windows. Turning on every single light really helped highlight otherwise darker rooms.
Angles
This is where you get to experiment. The angle at which you take your photo is crucial. You need to convey how large the room is and sometimes make it appear larger than it actually is. The best way to do this is to stand in the doorway, which will give you the largest and most complete view of the room. Each room may need to be photographed differently.
For example:
I wish I could show you how deep I was in the corner of this room! I was as far back as I could go and even held the camera back behind my ear! Shooting with the camera horizontal will help you when it comes capturing as much of the room as possible (when a wide angle lens isn't an option for you.).
You will want to shoot vertically to highlight ceiling height or a small bathroom. I have a horizontal angle of this entryway to show how it connects to the next room, but I wanted to be sure that potential buyers could see the great vaulted ceilings, so I shot vertically as well.
Height
At 5'6'' I'm not exactly short, but sometimes you do yourself a disservice when you take pictures at eye level. Here are two examples of photos I've taken standing on a step ladder. In the bathroom I wanted to showcase the gorgeous sink and tile (that toilet paper really bothers me now though!) and in the dining room I really wanted to show off the openness. Shooting at eye level is fine, but getting a little higher can really help showcase features your house.
You may need to squat down lower too! In the following pictures I got really low to the ground to show off the details of these bathrooms.
General Tips
- Take several pictures at many different angles. The more pictures you take, the more you'll have to choose from.
- Highlight your home's features. If you have gorgeous hardwood floors, make sure you can see them in your pictures! One house we listed last year had some amazing mature citrus trees in the backyard. It wasn't granite countertops, or stainless appliances, but a selling feature for sure!
- Watch for your reflection! Shooting a bathroom with a large mirror can be challenging, but if I see you in the picture I'm not looking at the room.
- Cloudy days make for great photos of your home's exterior! It's awesome bright lighting, without the sun's glare or shadows.
- Give a room context. Don't shoot pictures of blank walls. The person will have no idea what they are looking at, or where it is in your home. If two rooms connect, let that reflect in the photos. Show how your floor plan flows. This is where taking several pictures of a room at different angles comes in.
- When taking pictures of your home's exterior, fill the frame with your house. While taking a picture from the street is important, your featured photo should be the actual house. Try shooting it at an angle instead of straight on to show the depth.
Versus:
I hope my tips helped you! You do not need to be a professional to take good pictures. Spend a lot of time experimenting and trying different angles. The more photos you take, the more options you'll have to choose from!
Leave me a comment: Have you seen bad Listing pictures? What is the one thing that makes you cringe because of your job? Are you as nosey as I am when it comes to seeing what is inside people's houses?
How To Take Your Own Listing Photos
Wednesday, March 2, 2016
I think we can all agree that small talk is the worst. It's awkward, weird and really unfulfilling. As I've gotten older though it's become pretty obvious that small talk is an unfortunate requirement. Whether it's in the elevator at work or riding the bus around Disney World, there are going to be times when chit chat is necessary.
As an extrovert and people person, small talking comes almost naturally to me. Almost! My husband says I could talk to a brick wall. That might be true, but I still get a little nervous when it comes to starting conversations and making them meaningful. We could all just blurt out what's on our minds, but that doesn't mean what comes out is going to be interesting or helpful.
I'm also a natural researcher and have made it a project to observe people who seem to have small talking down to a science. Putting a few things into practice has really changed my whole attitude about small talk and I thought I'd share those tips today!
one// Prepare
As awkward as this step sounds, trust me, it's invaluable! It is so helpful to have a few conversation starters in your back pocket. Keeping up with current events, tv shows or a having a really interesting article to bring up will make sure you have something to talk about. It doesn't have to be anything deep or controversial.
For example: Have you heard that there are new designs for Barbie dolls? What do you think of them? Do you think it's just a money making thing? Were you into Barbies as a kid?
two// Ask Questions
I would argue that this is the most important step in making small talk. People love to talk about themselves! It's easy and they know all the answers. The key here is to ask specific questions, without being nosey. A general question, like "How are you?" is going to get a general answer, like "Good."
Try: "Do you have any fun plans for the weekend?" Once they reply you can follow up with additional questions.
three// Ask for Advice
This tip is a little more situational and kind of depends on who you are talking to. People love being useful and helpful. They will walk away from this kind of conversation feeling really good about how it went.
Here's one: My husband and I are trying to pick a place to eat tonight, have you tried any new restaurants lately? What should I order?
four// Compliment
If you offer a genuine compliment you will put the other person at ease and they may open up to you more. Again, make this a sincere compliment. Instead of saying a shallow "Oh, I love your shoes, where did you get them?" try: "I noticed you always look so put together, where do you get your outfit inspiration?" Asking where someone bought something can cause them to feel defensive. They could feel embarrassed about where they got it. Plus, are you really going to go out and buy the same ones? Instead, asking them about their style is more flattering and opens the door to so many other questions about their inspiration, where they like to shop and maybe even how they organize their closet.
Leave me a comment: Do you hate small talk? What are your go-to topics?
My Top Tips for Small Talking
Wednesday, February 3, 2016
Every once in awhile I will come across a quote and it really syncs with how I feel. Like I couldn't have said it better myself! That's how I felt when I read this quote from Chuck Palahniuk: "People don't really listen, they just wait for their turn to talk." I've also seen a Ralph Waldo Emerson quote that says basically the same thing. It's so hard to figure out if a quote is authentic!
No matter who said it, I couldn't agree more. Actively listening is something I am personally working on. When you've got a brain like mine, it's going a mile a minute already so listening attentively is a challenge.
Being the friend I'd like to have really weighs on me. I constantly think about what I would value, and try to give that to other people. Can you imagine what the world would be like, if everyone did that?
I had this one experience recently that has been inspirational. In that I was inspired to do the exact opposite of what happened. A friend and I were having a conversation, and about 2 minutes in I realized that no matter what I said, as soon as I paused to take a breath she was going to take back over. Now, because I'm the type of person who always moves out of your way on the sidewalk, I let her do it. But, I felt completely uninterested in continuing the conversation after that. After all, I wasn't really part of it anyway. I'm not saying I had anything particularly precious and valuable to contribute to that conversation, but it doesn't feel good to feel like what you have to say isn't important.
Or when you get the "That's crazy." reply. It's the tell-tale sign they weren't listening to anything you just said.
Here are a few things that I am personally trying, in an attempt to be that great listening friend we all value:
one// Put Down The Phone
Because, basically it's rude. If you pull out your phone during a conversation the other person will feel less important. It will appear that you are bored with whatever they are saying.
I know personally, it's incredibly difficult for my mind to multitask on both listening and reading something else. If you have to do it, always say something like "I'm so sorry, I have to reply to this. But, I want to hear what happens next!"
two// Ask Questions
Asking a genuine question is the number one way to show someone you are interested in what they have to say. It's such a great way to get to know someone too! Be careful with how many questions you ask, because you don't want it to seem like you are interrogating them or being nosy.
three// Eye Contact
Another friend of mine is an expert at this. She focuses in on your face and completely blocks out anything else happening in the room. It's not creepy or anything, but suddenly you feel like the most fascinating person alive! I want others to get that same feeling when talking to me.
four// Restrain Your Reply
This is the most challenging for me. Something you said may remind me of a story, or something similar that happened to me. Or when you are talking about a problem, I might think of a solution that I want to help you with. This is where the waiting for your turn to talk comes in. Instead of thinking about what I want to interject, I am really working on listening to everything you've said first. It's one of those be-in-the-moment things, which is so difficult!
Leave me a comment: Do you struggle with being a good listener? Tell me what makes you feel important during a conversation, and what makes you feel like the person isn't listening!
Oh! And tell me your favorite quote.
My Favorite Quote: "People don't really listen, they just wait for their turn to talk."
Monday, November 23, 2015
My office is part of a local business networking group. It's been a great way to get to know other companies personally. The whole idea behind it is that when you need a plumber or a new insurance provider I will know someone personally that I can confidently recommend to you. Every Friday this group gets together to do said networking.
There is nothing more daunting than entering a room full of people engaged in conversation. Who do you talk to? Do you wait for someone to come up to you? Do you look for your one friend in the group? Do you try to look really interested in a picture on the wall? It can be seriously awkward.
I have the answer! Well part of the answer. Cue the Open Conversation. Let's say you enter the room, and you are standing at the door. Look around at the groups of people in front of you. (Do not mock my diagram!)
An open conversation is one where the group of people are facing outward, welcoming others to join.
A closed conversation is just that, closed off from others. People in a closed conversation are most likely having a private discussion. An open conversation can be a group of one person or more. Think of a semicircle of people, as long as the circle isn't closed you can join! A closed conversation can be two people or more. Technically one person can close themselves off from a conversation also (think: someone reading a book).
When approaching a group look for people whose bodies are open toward you, and join them!
Now, the hard part is actually joining in on the conversation. That's a post for another day. But, I've given you the first step! I can't tell you how many times I've used this trick. There will always be situations where you don't feel very comfortable, but it helps to analyze your surroundings and get a feel for the room before you jump in. This is a great strategy for navigating parties, work events, or even backyard bbq's!
Leave me a comment: Have you tried this technique for joining conversations? What is the hardest part for you? Do you have any tricks that have helped you feel more comfortable in a networking situation?
Open and Closed Conversations
Thursday, July 30, 2015
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